Fear
I believe that everyone of us is afraid of something and being fearless is a false statement. Most people are afraid of heights, spiders and clowns. Those who state that they are fearless either fear fear itself or they have yet to identify what they are afraid of. Generally I am afraid of wasps, fish and the ocean; but these fears only effect me when I am faced by them. My sister is afraid of public speaking which is counted as a social phobia like FOMO and FOGO; these fears are ranked as the highest amongst all fears. My dog on the other hand is afraid of wheelbarrows and drills but we'll never understand why.
Fears can make you nervous and/or scared. Today for example my dad took me for a spin where I drove because I am learning to drive. At one point of the journey I had to do a hill start onto a roundabout. A nice bus driver gave way to me but I could not move the car. I was so embarrassed and it did not help to see the guy in the Renault Clio behind laughing. After many attempts I took off but I rolled back more than what I had hoped. I have not experienced much difficulty with driving up until that point which made me nervous and my legs were shaking crazily; however I am trying not to think about it and strive to work on my driving rather than making driving a fear of mind.
The fears I face the most include my fear of failure and my fear of loss. Both fears originated due to past trauma and experiences. But how do you overcome these types of failures? I was once afraid of dogs, and I faced this fear through getting a dawg. But how can I face loss? Or put myself in a position made to fail? I like to label these as my chronic fears; the ones I can not solve unless I suddenly change or a miracle happens.
My fear of failure:
My fear of failure has certainly taken over my life. You may recall in my last blog that I have started blogging as a hobby as I have no other hobbies. The reason I have no other hobbies is due to this fear. In the past I was in clubs which I quit due to my fear of failing to progress further and to evidently lose. If there's a competition, I will rarely part take as I know that there is a high chance in failing. I have stopped myself from achieving greater things through fearing failure.
I also believe I have a reputation of being a 'swot' when it comes to school work. I aim to be a perfectionist when it comes to my work. I like the feeling of finishing a task knowing I've done everything I could've because if I did fail at least I could justify myself by saying I'd done all I could have done.
So, I swot to try and achieve the results I believe I can get. And when I fail, I do not accept failure, but a token of inability. Fearing failure is not something I get nervous or scared about, but it has changed my life as I limit myself to what I label as my ability.
My fear of loss:
We all lose something on most likely a daily basis; whether it's your phone or a toy you swear you'd seen in the living room the other day. But sometimes in life we lose things we don't expect to lose so suddenly; it can be a shock. Death is something I have yet to come close to. Generally, I did not understand death when I was younger so I did not know how to feel when we would lose somebody. I fear regularly, usually in my bed at night about losing someone very close to me and I'm sure everybody feels the same about the topic. The day we lose is a day we dread.
I am also afraid of losing the people I love, in a sense where it is my fault for their loss. An example of this is the other day, I felt as if none of my friends wanted to see me as much as I wanted to see them. I built the picture in my head that my friends were bored of me. Even thinking about it would make me cry, and I don't cry that much. I realised then and there how much my friends meant to me and I hoped I would never have to face the loss of them when there was something I could do.
I identified this fear as a result of an experience where I'd lost a lot of contact with someone I valued as a friend. Another example that shows my fear of loss is my 'every now and again' nightmares of my boyfriend not loving me. Your feelings for someone can change overnight or even in one conversation. The thought that he could feel this way scares the living daylights out of me! Commitment is easy but sometimes loss is easier. And i fear the loss of him being in my life
I guess that's all I have to say. You need courage in order to take on life. Tackling fears is easier said than done. Perhaps this blog has helped you to discover what your deeper fears are; identifying them is a step closer to understanding yourself; and that's the person YOU need to understand the most. Fear fear when in doubt.
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